The Two Mind Method

At the most basic level, the Two Mind Method is what worked for me.

I had a whole lifetime of extreme dysregulation, toxic relationships, lots of emotional volatility, dissatisfaction with life, depression, anxiety—the works. When I went to seek help, some parts of the experience were, frankly, tragic. I could see that therapists had good hearts. I could see that they cared and genuinely wanted me to improve. But the degree of dysregulation I experienced, and how it was controlling me, was just off the charts. I was operating at an emotional level of 11, most of the time.

I entered multiple therapeutic engagements—different providers, different modalities—and left each one unsatisfied after six months, a year, whatever. I kept thinking, There has to be a solution for this. So I dove into research: books, videos, academic papers, everything. I learned about attachment theory, brain physiology, trauma, and gradually discovered brilliant thinkers on the outer edges of mainstream psychology. These people became my heroes. Their work helped make sense of everything I was gathering.

Over the next five years, patterns started to emerge. Themes began to connect: the formation of trauma, how it shows up in attachment panic, the overlap between trauma and attachment. I kept asking: Are these even more deeply connected? I pursued this line of inquiry for selfish reasons. I wanted to survive. I wanted answers. I wanted a different life. And I was tenacious.

But I was also rigorous. If someone offered platitudes or vague advice, I challenged them: How did you get there? Can you explain the mechanics? If they couldn’t, I dismissed it. My engineering background demands this: if you can't explain how a process works, you don't understand it, and you can’t reproduce it. Therapy often felt like a black box: stuff goes in, and if something helpful comes out, great. If not, no one knows what went wrong.

Through trial and error, new data, and persistent integration, I began building a personal theory. Trauma. Attachment. The concept of two minds. The Five Pillars of Attachment. Over time, the pieces linked up into something elegant, clean, and useful.

At social gatherings, people asked about my work. As I explained my findings, people listened. Really listened. Some took notes. This happened over and over again. Eventually, I began hosting small talks, which turned into weekly gatherings. I went through coaching certification, and fellow students told me my ideas made more sense than what they learned in the curriculum.Are these even more deeply connected? I pursued this line of inquiry for selfish reasons. I wanted to survive. I wanted answers. I wanted a different life. And I was tenacious.

Then a friend told me, "I've been to hundreds of dating events around the world. Nobody is saying what you're saying. Get on stage." So we organized a public event. My goal was to test whether this was just my private experience or if it resonated more broadly. It did.

The feedback wasn’t just positive; it was profound. People told me my work had fundamentally changed their relationships, their self-awareness, even their relationships with their children. That’s when I knew I had to codify this thing that lived in my head. I had to turn it into something teachable.How did you get there? Can you explain the mechanics? If they couldn’t, I dismissed it. My engineering background demands this: if you can't explain how a process works, you don't understand it, and you can’t reproduce it. Therapy often felt like a black box: stuff goes in, and if something helpful comes out, great. If not, no one knows what went wrong.

What is the Two Mind Method?

It’s a therapeutic model. A framework. A system of interconnected theories that explain what is happening in a person’s nervous system—not just in a single moment of stress, but across time.

It explains how early stress leads to certain nervous system responses, which lead to coping mechanisms, emotional patterns, and behavioral dynamics. That emotional spiral often leads to the present-day moment when a partner yells and your entire emotional system goes haywire.

Yes, it's behavioral psychology, but it goes deeper: it tracks specific stress-response moments to illuminate the hidden decision-making happening subconsciously. Why did you choose anger instead of depression? Why flee instead of freeze? These are not conscious choices—they're survival patterns.

And once we understand those patterns, we can predict future behavior. More importantly, we can rewire them. Understanding the nature of the problem reveals the solution.

Some say, "Every person is unique; this can't be mapped." If that’s your belief, I’m not your guy. But if you're looking for a reproducible, testable model that’s helped me and many others, this is it.

Two Minds

The method rests on the idea of two minds: the conscious and the subconscious. These operate differently. They have different goals, survival patterns, memory systems, and conceptual tools. Language and cause-effect reasoning live in the conscious mind. The subconscious, rooted in the older parts of the brain, functions through association, survival, and emotion.

This dual-mind theory aligns with the idea that the brain evolved in three stages:

• Reptilian brain (survival)

• Limbic system (emotion)

• Neocortex (logic and language)

Each part has different capabilities. Understanding how these systems interact is critical to understanding trauma, dysregulation, and behavior.

Attachment Theory

Attachment theory is the second cornerstone of the method. Of all the psychological models I’ve studied, it’s the most predictive. You can trace someone’s childhood and accurately anticipate their relationship behavior in adulthood—and vice versa.

I began with the traditional four attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, disorganized). But then I read Daniel P. Brown’s work on the Five Pillars of Attachment and realized there was more. His model outlines five fundamental traits essential to secure attachment. I added my own contributions, like "wanted, chosen, prioritized."

But the most profound insight? Almost everything is motivated by fear.

Fear is the underlying force behind attachment dysregulation. Avoidant people and anxious people are both reacting to fear—fear of emotional discomfort, rejection, abandonment, powerlessness. Once we identify the specific fear, we can target it. Solve the fear, and the behavioral patterns vanish. Every time.Why did you choose anger instead of depression? Why flee instead of freeze? These are not conscious choices—they're survival patterns.

Secure people aren’t fearless—they either haven’t been triggered to that level or they’ve built a nervous system capable of processing stress efficiently. That’s the goal.

The Physiology of Trauma

The third cornerstone is trauma. Trauma explains why the nervous system dysregulates, and what happens when it does. It explains numbing behaviors, hyperactivation, dissociation, and the triangle between fear, dysregulation, and numbing.

When you add interpersonal dynamics—especially romantic ones—you get mutual dysregulation, misunderstandings, and what I call "trauma ping-pong."

The Work Itself

So how does this work in practice?

When someone signs up to work with me, we start by mapping their nervous system and attachment patterns. I listen to their story, ask key questions, and build a model of how their system reacts under stress. Then we test it. If my predictions match their lived experiences, the model is accurate.

From there, we design stress-recovery experiences that challenge their existing patterns. When we hit the core terror—the one fear that drives their dysregulation—we know we’re in the right place. That’s when the work begins.

Once they see the pattern and feel it viscerally, integration begins. The brain reorganizes. They experience revelations. They feel seen, validated, and no longer crazy. Just scared. And once we treat the fear, they start to heal.

But integration is fragile. The internet is full of misinformation—narcissists, empaths, victim narratives. I’m not denying those patterns exist. But those narratives often prolong suffering. I help people avoid disempowering thought patterns and guide them toward confidence, joy, and agency.

Into the Future

The Two Mind Method is a living framework. It's theory and practice. It's engineering, biology, psychology, and lived experience all rolled into one. It's the approach I wish I had during my darkest times.

My dream is to teach this method to others. We already trained one cohort and learned a lot. One apprentice has my full endorsement, though she’s still building confidence. In a year, I hope there’s an army of practitioners helping people around the world.

If it helps people consistently, we keep going. If not, we adapt. But so far, it works. And that’s why I’m here. Sharing it with you.

Thank you.

Peace.